Many a times, I come across as an arrogant guy. And, I am misunderstood most of those times. I am just simply shy, and feel very awkward with small talk. For the life of me, I cannot hold on to any conversations that involve small talk, without coming across as more awkwardly obnoxious. Then there are times when I am super excited about something, and venture into a rants-of-sorts. Which many around me find boring, if nothing else.
Those two things combined, form a very powerful type of deterrent that paints a picture of me being obnoxiously arrogant. While, I may not deny that in certain cases I may become arrogant, most of the times it’s just me trying to avoid an unpleasant social interaction. This further has led me down a road where I find being, and spending time alone with myself, is the time when I find the most emotionally satisfying experience of my small existential footprint. No offense meant, and again I am not arrogant but just very, very uncomfortable opening up. There are/have been only a handful few with whom, from the first interaction itself, I have been able to communicate freely.
Today, I realized that this nature of mine, has been a gift; more than anything else. Why? Because, when I am alone with myself, and my thoughts then that’s exactly when my creativity jumps up. That’s when I am the most productive, and that’s when I get into the ‘flow’ of things or deep work mode. It is exactly when everything, and everyone around me disappears. And, I just create, write or do these other things that fuel me further(more on those later).
After a social event, or a trip/vacation with friends or family, I tend to go back into my shell of a cave to recharge, if I may. This process of ‘recharging’ helps me achieve more, do more, create more, an learn more. It helps me discover more. This is to say that I make myself uncomfortable by pursuing social interactions just so that I can go back into my cave, and pursue my creativity; this, to recharge, refuel, create, and learn.
I am not arrogant(almost all of the times), I am just a creative, socially handicapped caveman guy. So, if you ever happen to see me, then come say hi!