This is excerpt from an actual letter I wrote recently. I thought, I’d share the vulnerable side out here. Like everything else, read it with a pinch of salt. Tastes better that way.

BY indefiniteloop

Without knowing your end of the story, here’s mine:

I took up psychology as a subject. Joined a class. Felt awesome. I use it everyday now. Not to perform any sanity checks on that or this particular person. But, to test my relationship with a person. If this particular relationship in question is, doing anything for me. Or if it’s causing strain, where none should exist.

No, I don’t judge the other person or their agenda/motives. I remove it completely, from the give and take of it; remove it completely from the relationship we share. I do this every chance I get, respecting the other side at the same time. This is more so for me, than for anyone else. It’s to preserve a relationship; to create a bond where I can learn, share experiences, openly grieve, or be goofy. Happy goofy. I’ve started to notice that if I do that, I feel happier. I sleep better, wake up with a smile on my face. That being the case, I also speak my mind; try to help, if I feel that I can in anyway; least I’ll do is offer to help, and leave it at. I even get super excited to meet new people that I think would teach me more, keep me on my toes, and be an awesome influence to my soul. More than anything else, I guess, I want to experience a relationship grow. Grow, into something that nourishes both within that bond - no matter what label whoever puts on it.

I am also practical; be it fortunate or not. I experience the painful awareness of the fact that not all people, and bonds will be here for the long haul. If I think, and reach a conclusion that a particular relationship is causing strain on both the other side, and I then I speak out my mind about it. I tend to ask questions, explain what I want in return. I’ll try hard, and harder at times to reach out; to understand what’s happening. And, if all that fails, I’ll leave. But, once I do - I’ll have become stronger. Colder. Donning a thicker skin. Over here, I’d like to add that I start a relationship with no skin. Try to be as vulnerable, and bare as I can manage to be. If for nothing else than to be able to relate, and create a bond; sometimes even for a smile.

If, and when the day does come that the same person, to whom I’ve said goodbye reaches out to me again. Today, I’ll repeat everything I mentioned above. And, this long post of sorts is me reaching out. Until, I either say goodbye again or we get warm, and cozy. I’ve realized that this is who I am. And, I am so grateful to everyone who’s helped me reach this point in life. I am thankful to every single person who has changed me, chased me, chastised me to reach this place, in time. Thank you; each, and everyone of you. Soul mates all.

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