BY indefiniteloop

I do enjoy conversations with people, the topics don’t matter to me much. I like getting out. I like traveling too, but don’t get the chance to do so as often as I did like to. Nonetheless, I do step out; out of the city, and head to somewhere on a whim. Thus I come in contact with people of all shapes, and sizes; from varied backgrounds, all of them.

Most times, if I want to talk to someone or get introduced to someone new, I become shy. I am a shy person, by nature. And naturally so, I am an introvert. All of my first conversations, whether it be with people I meet while traveling, back home, at a cafe, or talking to people after matching with them online, are awkward. Even the first texts, sometimes are awkward. The first “hey” or “hello” is so heavy, and is the most awkward bit for me; I think that’s because some people anticipate that you’d open with a witty, smirky ice breaker. But, I usually don’t. Some people anticipate that you’d be as confident as you were while texting, when you finally move up to a call. But, I usually am not.

First Encounters Of The Awkward Kind.
Socially Awkward: That's Me.

As these first conversations continue, I tend to get excited, and do find myself guilty of missing on points, and jumping the gun at times. Then there are times when I did want to do away with the shy bit, but every try may result in more… awkwardness - has happened to me way too often. These conversations, for me they’re are filled with long pauses, and thoughts of what the person I am conversing with on the other end is thinking about. I am also filled with anticipatory thoughts; of when the awkwardness will go away, and when I’ll return to normal - often forgetting that this awkwardness, is normal.

Finding middle ground, or a topic that could be potentially interesting to the both us is also on the list of things-to-talk-about-during-first-conversations. Thankfully, anxiousness has never appeared on this list of feelings, and thoughts. Eagerness, jokes, sarcasm, etc. have been known to take up the bits, and pieces in these conversations for me. One such experience was yesterday; It was the first time I was speaking with someone on the phone, having only chatted on messaging apps for so long. That’s when it struck me, that first conversations are so full of pauses; so full of anticipation, expectations, run-away speech, and topic-hunts. That’s when I recalled all of my first encounters with some new friends, some old ones too.

Funny, isn’t it that more often than not, these first conversations would be forgotten before long? And, we’ll get just conformtable talking to each other.

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