Tomorrow will be the last lecture of a psychology class I am taking since last December. I enrolled myself, so that I could salvage one of my endeared relationships, in fact salvage all of my relationships with people around me.
I am not a very social person, as such I interact with a very limited number of people around me. I love meeting new people, true, but more often than not in an atmosphere I am comfortable in/with, that is to say I am an introvert. Which doesn’t translates to - I don’t socialize, but translates to - I socialize only when I feel comfortable doing so. I am also a sapiosexual. More about me.
Over the years of experiencing life as such, I have come across a lot many people that are/were truly exceptional to know and “socialize” with. Along the way, somewhere and somehow, I have lost these people and those relationships. There are days when I miss them, talking to them, hanging out, doing stupid stuff and having fun with.
The psychology class I am taking has made me realize and analyze my own behavioral patterns, and how these and my past experiences, of me burning my bridges, co-relate. It has given me the tools I needed to analyze my give and take in any relationships I have had so far, be it with my ex-girlfriends, my best friends, my parents, my x-SO, etc. They helped me be more authentic in terms of putting myself out there and being vulnerable. Finding myself, by breaking down myself and recreating me.
The methodologies that provides these tools to me are known as Transactional Analysis & A combination of NLP’s Six Step Reframing with Gestalt. I am noway a psychoanalyst expert now. But I can try analyzing the why’s, how’s, etc. of my own behavioral patterns that govern my life and if I don’t agree with one, then how do I deal with it. It has also empowered me with decisions of maintaining relationships, by choosing which ones are healthy and would bring any kind of value for me.
I am able to finally realize what makes me happy, and how my decisions moving forward are to be shaped for just being content and happy; no matter what I want to do further on.
That to me is something very profanely powerful.
Transactional Analysis tells you that if any single behavioral pattern is repeating in your life and is causing a lot of unwanted feelings, events and putting you in a spot that you are not okay with, then this behavioral pattern is a “Game” which, your mind is addicted to. More often than not, this “game” or repeating behavioral pattern will always follow a predefined “Script”. And I have seen this within myself, I have seen this in others that attend this class with me.
And knowing “my game” is not enough, breaking out of one, denying my mind the pleasure it seeks within these negative feelings is the end goal here.
Transactional analysis (TA to its adherents), is a psychology idea that humans are social creatures and that a person is a multi-faceted being that changes when in contact with another person in their world. - Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transactional_analysis
In places where TA or Transactional Analysis is not applicable, specifically areas that fall outside the purview of social behavioral patterns, A combination of NLP’s Six Step Reframing & Gestalt steps in. Again I am in noway expert here by any means, but using the combination of NLP’s Six State Reframing & Gestalt on myself has been kind of freeing.
NLP’s Six State Reframing operates under the assumption that your mind is made up of pieces, pieces that get created during experiences that you go through. These pieces define your perceptions and as a whole make up the contextual mind, your mind. Gestalt takes this forward working with NLP’s Six State Reframing. Gestalt always concentrates on here and now. Gestalt states that whole of the mind is greater than any sum of its parts and is always concentrating on the “here and now”. Thus the two work together to bring to the ground, pieces that could be reframed as a whole. The combination of these two is used when you want to focus on your emotional and mental awareness. (I am assuming here I got this right? Let me know if you think I made a mistake here.)
Six step re-framing is gentle and respectful technique which can be used for any behavior change. It is gentle and respectful in that any answer or solution doesn’t come from the practitioner or the client’s conscious mind - it comes from the clients unconscious mind. - Source: http://www.nlp-techniques.org/2013/01/six-step-reframing.html
The Crux of Gestalt is focus on “here and now”. And remembering that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. - Source: Janki Mehta.
While I am not able to give you an example of how Transactional Analysis has helped me, simply because I want to keep this post as transience as possible, a short example usage of the above NLP’s Six Step Reframing and Gestalt on me would be:
I was afraid of traveling alone and moving out. This is where I could follow the steps that I was thought to confront this fear of me traveling alone and subsequently the fear of moving out, which has taken occupancy in the recent, last 2 years. I wasn’t supposed to fight with the “piece” of me that was afraid of traveling alone, rather accept that, this piece that was afraid was a conscious person and that I could communicate with it. Then find out why this person was afraid of traveling alone. Reaffirm and persuade this person that it was okay to be afraid and that the whole will be there to take care of and protect this piece, so it could again re-assimilate as one. Same process is true for me being afraid of moving out.
At first I scoffed at the notion of a single mind being made up of multiple pieces and each piece of my mind having its own perceptions and feedbacks. But I was actually blown away when this started working for me.
I am thankful for these tools and extremely glad that I took up this course. I wasn’t going to, to be honest. But I did, and I am the better for it! So thank you Janx and Havs!
Taking this course has made a lot things clear I want to do, going forward and starting this year. Most of my goals this year are centered around what I learnt about myself, while enrolled in this course.
I would really suggest, to anyone who has the time and resources, to do something like this. To pick up a course that helps you out by figuring you out. Doesn’t has to be TA/Six Step Reframing/Gestalt. It can be anything that may help you understand you and your relationship with yourself and others better.