BY indefiniteloop

It’s the new year. It’s been one whole year of publishing, and writing. The last year, today, it feels more like a gust of wind than a cool, slow breeze. Whatever goals I’ve hoped to achieve during the last year, I’ve (mostly). Probably the reason as to why I slowed down to almost a stop during last December. It felt good, and tiresome at the same time. Tiresome because I had to keep questioning my motives about everything I am doing; free time does that to you, it makes you think more. So here I was, thinking a lot, just to be sure I was doing things for the right reasons, and not to prove anything to anyone, least of all doing things or achieving all that I set to achieve, during the last year, to prove something to myself. All that questioning, almost brought me to a grinding halt.

At one point, I even thought that all that self-questioning-about-motives phase was a ruse to slow down, or shut off completely - from whatever; from everything that I wanted to do. But, it wasn’t so; at the least I think, it wasn’t so. (But, who knows?)

Suffice to say I found the answer, as to the reason I do this, or anything else I put my energy into for that matter - is because I want to. It’s because it makes me feel alive, somehow. Whatever I choose, whatever I can choose, whatever I create, make, write, etc. leaves a mark; leaves something behind, even if that something is, like me - the most tiniest, littlest, smallest thing in the Universe. Apart from leaving marks, all around, those little things help me connect with other people. Help me learn more, about other smallest, tiniest worlds, creatures, and their offerings. It helps me to give back - in one way, or another. It also helps me notice the beauty of every little thing, gesture, and phenomenon; helps me appreciate it more.

You may think that, after reading the above, that I am enamoured with everything around me. Yes, I am - even the bad along with the good. At the least, I think I am. So why stop, right? Exactly! So here’s to continuing on, with whatever it is that gets me out the bed in the mornings.

Goals For 2016.

As for the goal making this year, it is a little different - with respect to setting, or making goals. I don’t really have a long list of goals, like last year, to achieve this year; nor do I intend to have one. This year, I plan to be more open. Be more fluid with everything I am doing, want to do, or have to do.

“Accept loss forever. Be submissive to everything, open, listening. No fear or shame in the dignity of your experience, language, and knowledge. Be in love with your life.” - Jack Kerouac.

Not that I’ve completely abandoned goals. I do’ve three of them, that I want to achieve this year. No milestones, or a solid plan as such in place though. Not a hint of what to do next though. And that feels fine; scary, but fine. I do not plan on working on a plan, or creating fixed milestones, or any such thing. I did that last year. So this year, I want to try something different. I want to let go of the idea of ‘control’ or the concept of it, entirely so.

It’s scary, exciting, and refreshing - all at the same time. I do not know how this year will proceed, or what’s in store for me. But, I will be leaving my mark; here, there, somewhere.

I’ll let the year pass, and come back at the end of it to write how this goes. Until then, here’s to what comes next! Cheers!

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