A valid question that. Especially, if you add up everything that happened for you two, to get you both at a stage where you finally exchange your vows. And, once you’ve exchanged them then what’re the chances of you two staying together, getting old together, till death do you apart?
At the risk of sounding pessimistic - Oh sure, we’ve all done that - made promises of never letting go, of being there for each other in sickness & in health; made such promises over and over and over again. But, do you really, really know what happens to & between the both of you tomorrow? How about five years down the line?
Add to that the fact that relationships aren’t the same, as they used to be for our fathers, and forefathers. Sure, you’ll find old-school romances every now and then, but only in rarity. The biggest difference between what our fathers, and forefathers and us, with respect to marriage, were the expectations within marriages. And, that made all the difference.
Interactive Infographic/Chart on Divorce Rates for Different Groups based on Employment Status, Education, Race or Origin.
The post was prompted by this article, based on this interactive infographic. And, as I’ve mentioned before, I am happily divorced. All throughout the marriage, until just one day, I’d never, once seriously imagined that I’d be getting a divorce - ever. But, I did. And that put me onto a journey of asking more questions about my relationships, values, and what exactly it takes for a marriage to succeed. As this article points out that, and list all of these common factors that could predict your married life’s future - reading those I can only sit back and think about if it holds any salt whatsoever. If our education, nurturing, environment, financial status, work, etc play any role whatsoever, towards breaking promises?
I think, it goes beyond that. Sure, those factors do contribute but much more so as fuel to a fire than anything else. Sure, there are things that can be counted simply as unacceptable, in any relationship. But, burning bridges, and especially one that you find yourself labelling as ‘home’ is not only difficult, and painful but also accompanies the heavy sentiment of loss with it. It does leave a hole. That’s the reason to why I think external influencers fall short of pushing a marriage to fall apart, and may only be available more as a form somethings to express one’s expectations.
Then, the blame lies with the couple - For changing so much, and so fast that the both of you are not able to accept, understand, comprehend or relate to each other. And, it takes something more powerful than words, worlds, and warmth for the marriage to endure anything any of the parties throw at it. It requires a sort of fanaticism, doused in endurance. It requires an obsession of sorts, with each other. And, more than anything, it requires unbiased acceptance of each other; no matter who or what your SO becomes, when you wake up with her/him the next day. It requires that each of you are in love with yourselves first.
Interactive Infographic/Chart on Statistics of Never Married People, based on Sex, Employment Status, Education, and Race or Origin.
After my marriage failed, I unequivocally decided to never get married again. This thought still holds true for me. Not because I am bitter, angry, scared, or anything of that sort. But because, I don’t think I’ll ever be the same everyday, day after day. I am simply not capable of being content with life being contained in work, eat, sleep, take care of children, repeat. There’s more to life, as I see it, and I don’t know what I want with life, everything, and the universe. My ideas about life in general can be roughly filed in the alternative section. And, I haven’t met anyone who’d be okay with that, yet. Be okay with that for the long run. And I’m okay with that.